Do you have that friend who you just want to see fail?
That friend who is just living life too well and you want to pull them back a little bit so you can watch them sit on the sidelines whilst everyone else is getting gains.

Here’s how you do it.

1. Get them to join a HIIT gym that crams in as many people as they possibly can (upwards of 20 is best).

2. Find a gym that has no onboarding procedures that would help them learn the perfect movement patterns in a 1:1 setting. Throw them in the deep end as fast as possible if you can.

3. Make sure that the coach’s priority is “faster and harder”, as opposed to perfect technique.

4. Ensure there is no undulation in the program, so that everyday is a flog session, where they have to do as much as they possibly can. (The more sweat, the better).

5. Get them to lift as heavy and as fast as possible, regardless of form. Make sure they’re not perceived as the weakest in the room, even if they are the newest member and no one is actually looking at them. It’s all about ego and making sure theirs is the biggest.

6. Pump them up for a “no rest day” mentality. Recovery is for the weak. “How can you make gains if you’re at home” works really well.

7. Put them on whatever fad diet the gym is offering so they lose a couple of kgs of water weight in week 1. This will make them think they’re killing it, but you’ll be able to watch them binge eat and put it all back on once they realise it’s unsustainable.

We have a saying that says, you can only get injured if you:

• Lift too fast (speed)
• Lift too heavy (intensity)
• Lift too much (volume)
• Lift too often (overuse/lack recovery)

These all play a role in misaligning your capacity/thresholds with your actual output, so if you want your friend to fail fast, get them to do one or all of the above.

Or if you actually like your friend (and if you haven’t caught onto the attempted satirical humour by now, I’m actually talking about you), then perhaps you may want to do the exact opposite of what I have just told you above.

The thing is, everyone tries to undo years of poor behaviour as fast as they can when they know it’s not going to end well.

Our passion is helping you fall in love with the process so that it becomes a lifestyle. You can see by now that we get results, have a great community and our clients enjoy themselves.

We want the same for you (or your friend).

Do yourself a favour this year and slow down, stay consistent and ask for help when you need.